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Merry Stress-Mas!

Photoshop Mashup courtesy of  Peter Jones  

Photoshop Mashup courtesy of Peter Jones 

Christmas could just as easily be called “stressmas.”


Lights, cards, parties that you don’t want to be at, And of course, gift giving. Of course you could do it the easy way: pay attention and shop early. But who the Hell has time for that shit? And some people you don’t know as well, and then you get invited to their houses and you have to bring something (cheese is always a hit), and the kids change their lists, and you didn’t realize work was doing a gift exchange, and…


So you wait. You procrastinate, and then, YOU PANIC. And eventually, you say eff it. Here’s how it goes, depending on how long you wait:



1 Month Out:

“I’ve got plenty of time, I’ll just hit Black Friday or Cyber Monday and be done. Oh yeah, I should probably order the cards.”



3 Weeks Out:

“I’ll just go out at lunch this week and pick stuff up at the mall.”



2 Weeks Out:

“Damnit, I have to remember to go to the mall after work this week. After the kids’ pageant, and decorating the tree, and sending the cards. What do you mean I WAS SUPPOSED TO ORDER THE CARDS?”



1 Week Out:

“Gift Cards and online shopping it is. These express delivery charges aren’t that bad.”



5 Days Out:

“Uhm…uh….I’ll just stop at CVS on the way to their house. They have wrapping paper there, too, right?”



3 Days Out:

“Wow, who knew that these gas stations had such great gift ideas? I mean, who doesn’t like scratch-off tickets, Gatorade and Slim Jims?”



2 Days Out:

“Agggh! There’s gotta be something in this house I can wrap up for them…like these random keys in the junk drawer – they look festive, right? At least they jingle. ”



1 Day Out:

“Gifts? Bleh. The holiday has become so commercialized now. That’s why I’m not giving presents this year.”




By the way, no one believes you. That’s the rant.












Originally published by ME, on my old humor blog Kwam's Rant


Kwame DeRoche