You're creeping me out, DirecTV.

So, these marionette commercials that let our favorite satellite company tell us that wires are bad. 

They freak me the hell out. 

This one, for example. So there's a puppet marriage, and puppet in lingerie, which means there's probably puppet sex, which is a bit risqué for a tv provider. Then I start thinking about how hard this puppet wife had it as a kid, being ignored in high school because all the attention was on Pinocchio. Or how difficult it was for her human husband to meet her parents. And who is holding the strings, some sort of Yeti? 

And what. The hell. Is that dance? I'm officially traumatized now. All-in-all, this is not something I needed to see right before bed. 

Guess what, DTV? STILL. NOT SWITCHING. 

© Kwame DeRoché, 2014